The Year of Wandering
2025 felt like a large change of direction in my life. It went sideways. 2024 was still in the rat race of more career capital, more money, more credentials, more ambition, more impact. This year, they just did not seem so appealing anymore. I had already proved myself.
Instead of continuing the rat race, I set out to do... nothing in particular. No grand goal. No new resolutions. No month by month plan.
Now that I’m at the end of this year, I can look back and see the paths I followed:
2025 was a year of investment, both in myself and in my environment. 2024 revealed many weaknesses: in my ability to work independently, in the dynamics of my group house, in my access to a supportive social circle. In 2025, I worked on those foundations, by creating a new group house, making new friends, and having many introspective conversations.
In 2025, I worked on becoming whole. 2024 had narrowed me down to an EA career maximizer. In 2025, I opened back up and nurtured the parts of my life I had neglected, such as romantic and sexual relationships. EA is only one of the trees in my garden of ends.
Supporting those, 2025 was a year of reassessments. By the end of 2024, I had achieved basically all the goals my little EA self had been set on. I had made it in AI Safety, now what? I had found a community in Paris, now what? I had successfully acquired a lot of money, now what? I re-examined my life plans, and much of my beliefs about my identity and skills. I even realized I was not asexual after all!
Those led to 2025 being a self-directed year. I stopped jumping from training program to full-time jobs, and started working on my own, on what I believed in. I got back into Paris community building, because I’m the only one who can build my vision. I went to Inkhaven, because I have so much to say, and no one will say it for me.
2025 was the year I really started dropping the whip. No more self-coercion through guilt and shame. I decided to live my life on my own terms, and to step back whenever I felt the pressure to go at war with myself again. I learned to replace guilt, and to enjoy existing. This one is still very much in progress. I still need to learn to combine it with ambition.
And last but not least, 2025 was a year of relaxing and enjoyment. I spent four months having fun after a grueling job in 2024, and this was the right call. I took lots of time to myself, to be curious, to be loving, to go on adventures, to live the good life. I went to so many camps and traveled to so many places!
None of those paths were planned, and yet, this wandering has brought me far.
Overall, this year was much closer to my ideal life than the previous one.
I hope 2026 will be even better!
